


A Flower in the Wasteland

by LordMinast



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordMinast/pseuds/LordMinast
Summary: After the Second Lostbelt falls, Ritsuka Fujimaru is left with the consequences of his actions. Destroying the worlds that prevent the re-emergence of Proper Human History would be evil.Good thing one of his servants has trod the same road, and knows what that feels like. Ereshkigal is worried, and determined to figure out how to help Ritsuka.
Relationships: Ereshkigal | Lancer/Fujimaru Ritsuka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	A Flower in the Wasteland

Late at night, or what passed for it in the blank expanse of bleached white terrain outside of the Shadow Border, most of the occupants slept, and slept happily.

  
How could they not? After all, their charge, their hero, Ritsuka Fujimaru, had led his Servants into battle, and defeated the second Lostbelt, fighting through a colossal giant of flame, a Norse Goddess, and finally felling the Tree of Emptiness. Even Mash, who had been out of commission until Da Vinci fashioned up the Ortinax Armour, had managed to hold her own, and was sleeping peacefully, knowing that she’d managed to do what was needed. Inside the Shadow Border, however, three souls were very much stirred, sitting in the control room and talking.

The first, a slightly ephemeral man, who never seemed to be truly present, more like a mirage. His long, dark coat slumped in the chair he sat in, revealing the waistcoat of a Victorian gentleman, contrasting with his navy blue hair. While one might assume this man to be a delinquent, his bearing was quite the opposite - a dignified, respectable gentleman, a soft-spoken soul who concealed a talent for uncompromising honesty behind polite wording. Quite simply, if this man wanted you to feel insulted, he would make sure you were - while still remaining unfailingly polite. 

The next man, a portly gentleman, wearing a white and gold military uniform, even in his casual hours. A well-groomed blonde moustache curved upwards, adding to his image of an aristocratic, well-funded man. His blonde hair swept across his head, and as he idly fiddled with it, any onlooker could get the idea that this man was rather wanting a barber. Alas, there was no barber within the Shadow Border.

Completing the triangle around the small, plastic table, a young girl, likely no older than twenty, leaned back in her chair, yawning. Brunette hair came down to her shoulders, and her red and white dress flapped around as the air circulated around the Shadow Border. She spoke first, breaking the silence.

“Soo...not to be a bother, but where’s Ritsuka at? I haven’t seen him for a few hours, did he go to sleep early?” She said, and the blue-haired man spoke up.

  
  
“I must confess, Da Vinci, I don’t believe so. He checked on Mash briefly, but I don’t believe him to be resting. Goredolf, do you know?” He said, stroking his chin idly as he tilted his head to the portly gentleman. The question was less a question, and more of a statement, spoken with the authority of one who knows the answer, and is merely prompting the truth.

  
“No need to worry, you two! The young man is atop the Shadow Border. He asked me for some of my brandy, and while I would not normally consider such, I thought he’d earned it! I let him take my hip flask, and he went to watch the stars.” Goredolf said, smiling warmly, before being treated to two concerned looks his way. “What? Is something the matter, Sherlock, Da Vinci? As Acting Director, I demand your answer! If something amiss with our only Master, I must be informed!” 

“Indeed, it is somewhat concerning. Ritsuka has always rejected alcohol in the past. They may be old enough to drink now, but that is recent, and legally speaking, they’d have a tough time acquiring the necessary paperwork - a whole year being lost is quite the unbelievable story, as I believe you once said, Goredolf.” Sherlock mused, his body tensing as his nerves flared up.

  
“Hey now, I didn’t force anything on him! He asked me!” Goredolf spluttered, as realisation crossed his face. “Oh...I see. You worry that he’s having a bad reaction to the conflict. Not to worry, I’ll go up and see to this!” Goredolf rose to his feet, only for the other two to hastily stand, waving their hands.

  
  
“I wouldn’t, Goredolf! If Ritsuka hasn’t shared this information with anyone, then you going in and giving a military pep-talk isn’t going to deal with this. He’s probably feeling rather guilty, what with everyone in the Lostbelt…” Da Vinci trailed off, before clearing her throat. Sherlock took the chance, interjecting.

  
  
“Indeed. Normally, I’d suggest that Mash go speak to him, but she needs her sleep. The battle against Surtr drained the Ortinax System, if I recall correctly.” Sherlock mused, and Da Vinci nodded once, her cheery attitude noticeably more subdued. “In the circumstances we find ourselves in, we should tread carefully…”

  
  
All three of them spent some time arguing, discussing how to approach the seeming distress of the man that they’d put all their hopes upon - Chaldea’s last master. And if the trunk containing the Spirit Graphs of all the Servants that Ritsuka had managed to summon was to shake a little, it would seem that the three didn’t notice, as a ghostly shape emerged, raising up to the exterior of the Shadow Border.

* * *

  
  


Ritsuka Fujimaru sat in his Arctic Mystic Code - a black bodysuit, thin in material but designed to keep him safe and warm. Staring out into the newly collapsed wasteland of Scandinavia, he found himself alone and unable to articulate the feelings he had.

A day ago, the region was full of life. Snowy castles, verdant green grass in peaceful villages, and ice and fire struggling against each other in an apocalyptic dance that lit the night. Skadi may have been wrong, and ultimately had harvested humans like plants for little more than a perpetual cycle of stasis, but to see everything that was in the Lostbelt reduced to a featureless, bleached wasteland left Ritsuka with uncomfortable thoughts.

  
In Camelot, as the Lion King’s plan tore the Singularity apart, he could take solace in the fact that he was saving lives. In Babylonia, when Tiamat slaughtered all but five hundred citizens of Uruk, he knew that he had saved those five hundred, even if the rest had died because he wasn’t enough. In the Pseudo-Singularities, and in Russia, he had been able to just shut out the events around him, and focus on moving forwards. After all, his emotional reality was influenced by perception, and if he ignored the chaos within, he couldn’t be hurt by it. No matter how often he found himself staring into space, dissociating and refusing to let reality in. It was easier, and it let him focus on moving on to the next task.

Some part of him wondered what Dr. Roman would say about that particular coping mechanism. He quickly forced the thought out of his head, refusing to acknowledge what happened. Romani’s death wasn’t his fault, but the logical side of his head was drowned out by the chorus of “you could have been better, you could have been smarter.” There wasn’t time for that thought.

  
Sadly for Ritsuka, as he stared out into the distance, with Goredolf’s flask of Brandy, it was impossible to shut out the world around him. He couldn’t ignore reality when it stared him in the face, daring him to try and forget the price of his actions. He could see the phantom outlines in the bleached, ashen surface - Skadi hurling chunks of crystal as the Valkyrie charged with the spear. A futile last stand, as Caesar unleashed his Noble Phantasm, scattering the essence of the Valkyrie across the Tree of Emptiness. Skadi falling to her knee, using her last actions to tell the children of the world to sleep, so that they would not suffer when the Lostbelt was erased.

  
He hoped that they had listened. The idea that children had been painfully erased as a result of his actions was too much to bear. He took a deep swig of the Brandy, feeling the intoxicating warmth across his chest and throat. It wasn’t a good taste, but the feeling afterward helped a little. As he gasped from the soft burn of the drink, footsteps rang around upon the Shadow Border, as a shape sat next to him.

  
  
“You’re distracted. I can never usually sneak up on you.” The shape said, as she sat down. Her blonde hair swirled around her, obscuring one of her red eyes that sparkled in the empty night. Her burgundy cloak covered up a medium-length black dress, and Ritsuka marveled at the softness of it as it brushed his hand. 

“Hey, Ereshkigal. How are you?” Ritsuka smiled warmly at the Sumerian Death Goddess, pleased to see her. He hoped that she wouldn’t look past the facade he put up. 

“Not ideal. I’ve just seen the best man I’ve ever met flagellating himself for his failures for five minutes.” Ereshkigal mused, looking away as Ritsuka stood.

  
  
“Sherlock’s upset? I mean, I suppose I can understand, but it wasn’t his fault he got hurt, that was on me! I should have been more careful, or - “ He said, as Ereshkigal cut him off immediately.

  
“Master. Sit down. We need to talk, and I want you to be honest with me. And in turn, I promise to be honest with you. Do you accept?” She raised her eyes, and he found himself looking into the red eyes that amazed him - for a goddess of death, her eyes were so full of life.    
  


“I...suppose?” Ritsuka said, with confusion. Hopefully she wouldn’t ask him anything too deep. He could never lie to Ereshkigal, but that didn’t mean he could speak. He sat down, tensing in anticipation.

“Very good, Master.” Ereshkigal smiled, and for a moment, Ritsuka felt that he’d made things better, for the first time in a while. “Now, I have a question for you - did you know that you dissociate after facing difficult situations?” 

  
  
There was a moment of silence, before Ritsuka stammered out an affirmative.

“That’s good. How long has this happened for?” She asked, and he looked down.

“Babylonia.” He breathed in, before continuing. “It started after Leonidas got petrified. And then after the underworld, and after the blood fort, and after Tiamat...I just started losing track of time. It helped - I didn’t have to think about what happened.” He looked at Ereshkigal, who was shaking. After a moment’s hesitation, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight.

  
“You poor man. This is my fault, isn’t it? Me and the rest of the goddess alliance...I'm so sorry.” Ereshkigal’s voice broke, and for a moment, she wasn’t Queen of the Underworld. She was a tired, fearful person, who just wanted to help her friend. 

  
“No, not at all, Ereshkigal. It’s just...everything feels so difficult. It’s an uphill battle, and there’s always something else I need to do. And that was fine - I was saving the world! But now I’m destroying worlds just to bring back my own. It’s my fault...I’m doing all of this, because I thought it was right, but the truth is, I’m just as big a monster as any of those fucking Crypters!” He sighed, shaking with nervous energy. It hurt to say it, but it was out there. He shook, and a single tear rolled down his face, struggling to keep the emotions in. 

  
  
Suddenly, he felt cold hands on his face, as Ereshkigal lifted his gaze to meet her own.

  
“Listen to me, Master...no, listen to me, Ritsuka. I understand. The Throne of Heroes records me as Evil - but in truth, my crime is being a goddess of death. I’m afraid that sometimes, one needs to do things that aren’t good, to commit a greater act of kindness. So far, both of the Lostbelts have been tormented realms, with no future - what you did was not good, but it was kind. Likewise, as ruler of Kur, I can not be good - but I can be kind to the souls in my realm. Do you understand?” 

  
  
“Yes! Yes...yes I do. Thank you, Ereshkigal.” Ritsuka wiped the tear off his cheek, his mind reeling from the idea that someone understood, but Ereshkigal did not let go.

“Then listen to me - I’m not going to fix you, Ritsuka - I cannot do that, you have been wounded and hurt, and one heart-to-heart won’t change that. But after each of these Lostbelts, we’re going to talk, you and me. I won’t have the kindest soul I have ever met torment himself. Do you understand?” Her voice became stern, and Ritsuka felt a flash of shame at the fact that he honestly enjoyed her authoritative tone.

“Y-yes! Of course, Ereshkigal!” He nodded, and she smiled brightly. “I suppose we should get back inside. The others will worry about me…” 

  
  
“No. Ritsuka, answer me honestly. What do you want to do? Forget everyone else for now - what would help you?” Ereshkigal held his stare, and the answer was swift.

“Could you...could you stay with me, for a while? I don’t think I’m ready to go back inside yet, and it’d be easier to stay calm with a friend.” Ritsuka blinked, and Ereshkigal’s smile became blinding, like a light in the sky had descended to earth.

“If that is what you need, then I will.” 

Ritsuka lost track of time - all he remembered was his consciousness drifting away, as he leaned on the shoulder of his favourite servant. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Ereshkigal deposited Ritsuka in his bed, wrapped him up snug, and passed on the news to the three commanders of the Shadow Border. They were concerned, and the large one had complained about a Servant manifesting and using up the Shadow Border’s power without permission, but his complaints were half-hearted. Ereshkigal recognised the truth of that man immediately - a creature wrapped up in bluster and a need to be authoritative, but truthfully wanted the best for the people in his charge. Ereshkigal could respect that - after all, she wasn’t so different.

Some small part of Ereshkigal kicked herself for not telling Ritsuka how she felt. But he was hurt, and he seemed to need her help. Taking advantage of that would be reprehensible, and so she would wait. Once the Lostbelts were dealt with, once Proper Human History was restored, and Chaldea was back to its old state, she would confess everything. 

  
  
As her spirit form collapsed into the trunk, she closed her eyes, and imagined Ritsuka, a yellow flower adorning his hair, and a sunrise just for him. Hopefully, if they stayed the course, that dream would come true.

* * *

Ritsuka felt someone prodding his face, and woke up from his warm bed with a smile.

  
  
“Morning, Senpai!” Mash cheered, as he emerged into the waking world, rubbing his eyes. “How did you sleep?”

  
  
“Fine, actually. I spoke to Ereshkigal, and I think she’s worried about me.” He blushed slightly, and Mash raised a single eyebrow.

  
“Senpai, have you considered...telling her? I mean, not that it’s any of my business…” She smiled, and Ritsuka stood. 

  
  
“Of course not. She deserves better than I. But thanks, Mash. Let’s go figure out our next move!” Ritsuka smiled warmly, ruffling the hair of the pseudo-servant that had essentially become the little sister he’d never had. Looking back on the memory of the goddess that had given him comfort in his darkest hour, he took a deep breath, and marched on to the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was a thing. I got a little carried away, but Ereshkigal is a wholesome bean who deserves everything. Hopefully she'll show up on my summon when the event goes live in a few days.
> 
> If you liked this, drop kudos and leave comments, and even check out some of my other work if you fancy it! I don't normally write ship/romance focused content, but I do dabble, and this was my attempt to make a proper romance-based one-shot!


End file.
